Saturday, 20 May, 2017


In a candid interview with respected broadsheet The Daily Star, Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth II spoke for the first time about her husband’s retirement from public service.
“Philly is in good spirits” she said, “but we all knew the time was right.”

Typically known for his sensitive diplomatic approach, the former kebab shop owner had become increasingly discontent with his public duties.

“He had been making a lot of f##k ups” Her Majesty sighed. She continuing to detail the specific day on which Philip was retired:

“We were on a state visit to Africa, Zaire I think, and I could tell Philly was not himself.


“I remember being sat at the Zairean consulate in a meeting with the top brass there, and Philly kept going on about ‘Black Lives Matter’.

“He said to one of the main guys, ‘Don’t all lives matter? Why do you people keep focussing on black lives? Why not yellow lives? Or white lives?’ – I put my head in my hands and just knew it was over.

“When Philly asked one of the young female delegates if she had seen Michael Cane’s performance in ‘Zulu’, we dragged him away and made our excuses to leave. I thought to myself: Wills and Kate, get those passports ready! It’s all on you guys now.”

Prince Philip’s departure from public life has been a long time coming, with many suggesting it should have happened decades ago.

The Prince is set to release his memoir, Are You Part of the Union, Jack? later this year.

For more of Prince Philip’s racism, click here!

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